Thursday, December 17, 2009

Be Still

Okay I have a confession. For me, simply being still in Gods presence can be challenging. Maybe it's my adult ADD or midlife menopausal state of mind that makes it hard for me to just be still and focus. But recently I've had alot of time to do do just still in His presence.

My Mom is sick again and has been in the hospital for over 3 weeks now. At first they thought her cancer had spread to her brain, then they thought she'd had another stroke, now she has come down with pneumonia. She has a myriad of medical concerns and they seem to change daily. There is so much uncertainty about her health and I'm treasuring each moment I have with her. As her caregiver I kick into crisis mode attending to every detail, as her daughter I am grieving, as a believer I am desperate for His presence.

I've been her caregiver for almost eight years and it's been quite the journey...there have been many uncertain times like this. As challenging as caregiving can be there is a sweetness and a privilege in it. I know when I am tending to Mom it's an act of worship to God. My Mom raised three kids as a single parent, she taught me what unconditional love and sacrifice look like.

Most recently most of my time is spent at her bedside while she sleeps or simply loving on her and caring for her needs while she's awake. As I wait God teaches me to be still, to trust Him and rest in His presence. It's hard for this "gotta get it done take action kind of gal", but I am grateful for the calm in the midst of the storm. I wonder why it takes something like this to slow me down enough to clear my mind of insignificant clutter.

As we face the unknown of each day I cling to the things I do know ...that He is good, that He is loving, that He is sovereign, that His mercies are new every morning and that He is FAITHFUL.

Psalm 77:1-2 I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress at night I stretched out untiring hands...

Psalm 77:11-12 I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.

Psalm 47:10 Be still and know that I am God.

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